Pork Butt, Bom chicka wow wow

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Thursday Night

So, we left for New Orleans Thursday evening. When we were waiting at the airport, I was kinda hungry. The only options were California Pizza Kitchen, ASAP or McDonald's. I don't know the last time I've eaten McDonald's. Maybe that horrible one on St. Charles a few years again, I don't know. So I figured, why not, it's research for the food blog. Of course airport chain restaurants are entirely different from the regular full sized ones. Anyway, it is McDonald's.

So you know how sometimes you're in the airport security line and there's an annoying family in front of you that takes a long time? Well, we had one of those. When I went to McDonald's, there they were in front of me in line. It was this lady with her bratty kids. So they took a while to order. Then I ordered. A quarter pounder with cheese for me and 6 piece chicken McNuggets for the Food Pimp. So I waited. The family's order came up. As soon as they approached the counter to complete their order, the little girl goes, I want ice cream, in a whiney little girl voice. The mom says, but you ordered a cookie. Ice cream! So the mom says, can she get an ice cream. So the boy goes, I want ice cream! So the mom asks for another. She asks how much, and they give her the ice creams free. Does anyone else see anything wrong with that scenario? I mean really...the girl already has a cookie, then she wants ice cream and she asks in an annoying whiney way and the mom conceeds so easily. She rewards the bratty behavior. Then the McDonald's employees reward the mom by not charging her. So next time they go to McDonald's, the girl will remember when they are at the pickup counter that she can get an ice cream along with her cookie. And the mom will remember that she wasn't charged before. Do you see anything wrong with that?

Sorry, getting back to me. I was waiting. It seemed that my quarter pounder with cheese was ready in a timely manner. I actually kinda saw them making it - taking the condiments out of the drawers and stuff. Then it sat at the bottom of the slope under the heat lamp. But the chicken nuggets were taking a while. I figured, maybe they were frying fresh ones. That would be a score. So I was anticipating stealing one of those. Finally they came out. So I hurried back over to the bar where the FP was waiting, ready for his second beer. So the burger was warm enough, not hot, not cold. It looked fresh. The bun was still inflated. (You know how sometimes the bun is all smashed in like someone sat on it) And it wasn't greasy either. The patty was nice and brown, and it seemed to have a good ratio of mustard, ketchup, pickle and cheese. I took my first bite. It had some texture, it tasted like a burger! I was maybe expecting those McDonald's burgers that had the soy filler in them. I mean, I don't know how long ago they stopped making those, but that is my taste memory of McDonald's. I did after all grow up on the stuff, and I am getting up there in years.
"I remember back when the McDonald's fries were fried in beef tallow. And we didn't complain, and we enjoyed them. And the burgers had cow anus in them. And we ate them up, because that's what we were given and we didn't complain. And if there was a cockroach under the bun, we didn't sue, we just picked it off, threw it away and ate the burger. Didn't even wash our hands!"

Anyway, I have to say it was a good quarter pounder with cheese. I did dunk it in the hot mustard sauce. I like to dunk my burgers in mustard and or ketchup. Is that weird? Cause if it is, that's the only weird habit that I think I have. My most recent burger experiences have been getting one late at night in the drive thru window probably close to closing. You know how that goes.

So the chicken McNuggets. I asked how they were. The FP said they were okay. So I took one. After all, he took a huge bite of my quarter pounder with cheese. So when I picked it up, it was hard. The meat inside was dry. How disappointing. I waited all that time for refried Chicken McNuggets! And they were all white meat. How flavorless. You really need the dipping sauce so they taste like something!

So on the plane. I think there is one Stepford flight attendant required on every flight. The one lady who follows the rules and is not pleasant when a passenger is annoying her, but she still has that gigantic phony smile with the bright shiny red lips. You know that one? Well, we had one of those on this flight. We had just gotten our drinks. Then that Stepford Stewardess was manning the snack cart. She was saying, Cheeseburger?! Cheeseburger?! Cheeseburger?! To every single passenger. As if we hadn't heard her from the previous 8 rows in front. So the snack was a cheeseburger. Of course. I just fucking had a cheeseburger an hour ago. I barely ever eat them, and then I had 2 in one day. So it was in that plastic bag that they seem to microwave, just like that roast beef sandwich. And there was a ranch peppercorn dressing with a salad of iceberg lettuce, carrot and maybe radicchio. The dressing was good. You know that stuff. I like it. New York loves ranch dressing too. God, we have so much in common, her and I.

So...the cheeseburger?! First of all, it's not a pleasant smell in an enclosed area, like the main cabin of a plane. But I popped open the bag anyway. I wasn't hungry, but you know, research, for the sake of the food blog. By the way, I definitely seem to be getting fatter....

Cheeseburger?! The bun was soft, of course. As if it had been microwaved in a sealed plastic with a burger patty. The patty was terrible. That was more soy than beef, I believe. That tasted more like those McDonald's burgers used to taste. The problem was, after that fairly decent quarter pounder with cheese, I was disappointed to bite into this soybeef burger. It was so weird. That's the only way I can describe it. And it was kinda soft. I probably ate half of it, simply because it was such a strange gastronomic sensation. Like chewing on chalk might be. At least I had a mini Kitkat to dilute the soyburger taste in my mouth.

1 comment:

alfredo said...

so you went to new orleans and the only food blog is about the hamburgers you ate in the airport. come on man.