So about a month ago, our friends got a slowcooker. So they made chili. Then a week or so later, the Food Pimp kept saying he wanted chili. So one night when I couldn't think of what else to make, I made chili. This is probably what the recipe was. I had to guess at it, as I didn't write it down right away.
My Pretty Good Tasting Chili
6 pasilla peppers
4 jalapenos, diced
3 habaneros, diced - use gloves if you have contacts or have a penis
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 orange bell pepper, diced - I usually don't splurge on these, but they were
the same price as the red ones, which were only slightly more than the green
ones (I love Pancho Villa's!)
2 onions, diced - look, no offense, but if I have to tell you this maybe
you shouldn't bother making this recipe - go to Wendy's and get a chili there...
1 bulb garlic, smashed
2 32 oz cans crushed tomato
1 lb ground pork
1.75 lb ground beef
1 can black beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can white beans
1 c red wine, well a beer if preferable, but I didn't have any
1 t cumin
2 t coriander
2 T new mexico chili powder
2 T arbol chili powder
1 T cayenne pepper
salt and pepper - do I really have to list these? I hope not. I hope you have
common sense enough to know that you put them in chili...not to be a bitch
So here's what I did. I added about 1.5 cups water to the pasillas, and I blended them with 1 tablespoon new mexico chili, 1 tablespoon arbol chili, and half a tablespoon cayenne. I set that aside. Then I took my veg - jalapenos, habaneros, red bell peppers, orange bell peppers, onions and garlic and I sauteed them in veg oil. I got them nice and tender. Then I made sure the heat was pretty high, and I dumped the two meats in and chopped them up. Then I added the spices - cumin, coriander, the rest of the new mexico and arbol powders, and salt and pepper. I let them brown. (But I can tell you a secret. You don't really have to get it nice and brown like a steak. Really. It's just something ingrained in cooks that everything has to be browned. Okay, in most situations when you need to develop a flavorful broth or whatever, yeah, it's good to brown the meat. But let me point out something to you - chili is a slow cooked, stewed dish with tomato and CHILIES! Chilies have lots of dark flavor, so I don't know if your palate is more refined than mine, but I probably can't taste if the meat is browned or not. So there.)
Anyway, cook the meat. (I realize that I was writing in first person past tense, now I'm writing in second person present tense. Sorry. I wasn't an english major! No, really, I wasn't. Go check my diploma.) Then make sure the heat is nice and hot still, then add the crushed tomatoes. It will splatter and make you feel good about your chili. Then add the beer - or red wine if like me that's what you have. Let it go to town for about 2 minutes, then turn the heat down to a simmer. Now go watch TV or something for half an hour. Try to forget that you're making a delicious bubbly pot of chili. Okay, don't completely forget. Go in every 5- 10 minutes and stir the bitch. Make sure you go around the edges so sticky stuff doesn't cling to the corners (like bitter pennsylvanians cling to guns and religion) and burn. I like to use a wooden spoon to stir. But you don't have to. Of course, your chili probably won't come out as good as mine.
So when it's been about 30 minutes, go back and dump the chili puree in the chili. Why? Because that's what I'm telling you to do. If you want, divide the chili into 2 batches and dump chili puree in one batch with the tomatoes, and wait 30 minutes for the other. See if there's a difference. Maybe there won't be, but maybe your palate isn't that descriminating either. I'm just telling you how I made this batch of chili this one time. This is not how I used to make chili. Anyway, let it simmer for 10 - 15 minutes, then add the beans. You can add the water or not. It's up to you. I add the black bean water, because it's kind of thick and saucy. I don't add the kidney bean water, cause it just doesn't appeal to me, and I definitely never use the white bean water because it's the stinkiest. And between you me and the computers we are using - the Food Pimp has trouble digesting some beans. He used to not be able to eat black beans at all, but I think it's a little better. Back in the day though, when we didn't eat beans that much, he would have horrible gas for 4 - 5 days after eating black beans. Sometimes I would yell at him because it was so bad, almost as bad as Guiness farts!
Getting back to yummy chili. Let it cook another 10 - 15 minutes. Then taste it. Is it ready? Well, you'll probably end up eating the first bowl before all the flavors meld together anyway. It tastes so much better the second day. But the first day, the sauteed hot chilis have this bright heat taste, and the second day all the chili has mellowed and married into the rest of the stew. Don't get me wrong, it will still be spicy, just maybe not as earburning as the first day. Go ahead, make some chili. With this unpredictable weather, you'll probably have a cool enough day for it.
My Pretty Good Tasting Chili
6 pasilla peppers
4 jalapenos, diced
3 habaneros, diced - use gloves if you have contacts or have a penis
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 orange bell pepper, diced - I usually don't splurge on these, but they were
the same price as the red ones, which were only slightly more than the green
ones (I love Pancho Villa's!)
2 onions, diced - look, no offense, but if I have to tell you this maybe
you shouldn't bother making this recipe - go to Wendy's and get a chili there...
1 bulb garlic, smashed
2 32 oz cans crushed tomato
1 lb ground pork
1.75 lb ground beef
1 can black beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can white beans
1 c red wine, well a beer if preferable, but I didn't have any
1 t cumin
2 t coriander
2 T new mexico chili powder
2 T arbol chili powder
1 T cayenne pepper
salt and pepper - do I really have to list these? I hope not. I hope you have
common sense enough to know that you put them in chili...not to be a bitch
So here's what I did. I added about 1.5 cups water to the pasillas, and I blended them with 1 tablespoon new mexico chili, 1 tablespoon arbol chili, and half a tablespoon cayenne. I set that aside. Then I took my veg - jalapenos, habaneros, red bell peppers, orange bell peppers, onions and garlic and I sauteed them in veg oil. I got them nice and tender. Then I made sure the heat was pretty high, and I dumped the two meats in and chopped them up. Then I added the spices - cumin, coriander, the rest of the new mexico and arbol powders, and salt and pepper. I let them brown. (But I can tell you a secret. You don't really have to get it nice and brown like a steak. Really. It's just something ingrained in cooks that everything has to be browned. Okay, in most situations when you need to develop a flavorful broth or whatever, yeah, it's good to brown the meat. But let me point out something to you - chili is a slow cooked, stewed dish with tomato and CHILIES! Chilies have lots of dark flavor, so I don't know if your palate is more refined than mine, but I probably can't taste if the meat is browned or not. So there.)
Anyway, cook the meat. (I realize that I was writing in first person past tense, now I'm writing in second person present tense. Sorry. I wasn't an english major! No, really, I wasn't. Go check my diploma.) Then make sure the heat is nice and hot still, then add the crushed tomatoes. It will splatter and make you feel good about your chili. Then add the beer - or red wine if like me that's what you have. Let it go to town for about 2 minutes, then turn the heat down to a simmer. Now go watch TV or something for half an hour. Try to forget that you're making a delicious bubbly pot of chili. Okay, don't completely forget. Go in every 5- 10 minutes and stir the bitch. Make sure you go around the edges so sticky stuff doesn't cling to the corners (like bitter pennsylvanians cling to guns and religion) and burn. I like to use a wooden spoon to stir. But you don't have to. Of course, your chili probably won't come out as good as mine.
So when it's been about 30 minutes, go back and dump the chili puree in the chili. Why? Because that's what I'm telling you to do. If you want, divide the chili into 2 batches and dump chili puree in one batch with the tomatoes, and wait 30 minutes for the other. See if there's a difference. Maybe there won't be, but maybe your palate isn't that descriminating either. I'm just telling you how I made this batch of chili this one time. This is not how I used to make chili. Anyway, let it simmer for 10 - 15 minutes, then add the beans. You can add the water or not. It's up to you. I add the black bean water, because it's kind of thick and saucy. I don't add the kidney bean water, cause it just doesn't appeal to me, and I definitely never use the white bean water because it's the stinkiest. And between you me and the computers we are using - the Food Pimp has trouble digesting some beans. He used to not be able to eat black beans at all, but I think it's a little better. Back in the day though, when we didn't eat beans that much, he would have horrible gas for 4 - 5 days after eating black beans. Sometimes I would yell at him because it was so bad, almost as bad as Guiness farts!
Getting back to yummy chili. Let it cook another 10 - 15 minutes. Then taste it. Is it ready? Well, you'll probably end up eating the first bowl before all the flavors meld together anyway. It tastes so much better the second day. But the first day, the sauteed hot chilis have this bright heat taste, and the second day all the chili has mellowed and married into the rest of the stew. Don't get me wrong, it will still be spicy, just maybe not as earburning as the first day. Go ahead, make some chili. With this unpredictable weather, you'll probably have a cool enough day for it.
Comments