I haven't had time. I mean, I really honestly haven't. I had Thursday off -but we cleaned the apartment all day, then we played a show. Then before that I worked 10 days straight. Some of those days were 12 + hours. Some days were 14 + hours. Why?
I wanted to fuck up my happy little life I guess.
No, really, I had this great thing going, right. I had a good paying job. I had been there so long that I knew what to expect. I had my routines. I could play a show any night of the week, or see a show any night of the week. I could go home and cook food I like to cook for dinner, and for food blog foder. But it was embarrassing to describe where I worked at. I know the Food Pimp was embarrassed to explain where I worked at.
So I had been casually looking for jobs. So I got one, not as high paying, but close to home - I could walk there, but I really don't. And they wanted me to work as much as possible as soon as possible, so for two weeks I was working two jobs, then just one job but still a lot of days in a row, and a lot of hours a shift. This new job is more respectable, but I have a lot of work to do. We have to really work on everything in the kitchen and get it really working properly and the food to be great, but it's gonna take time. So I'm not telling you where I work yet. I'm not ready. I hope I can help the place. I want to put out good food. We'll see what happens, though. I might just be too overworked to do any good. That's how I was yesterday. I couldn't do anything right. Anything. I really just wanted to come home and hide under the covers.
But I couldn't. The hardest thing about failure is admitting it and carrying on. You know, dusting yourself and getting back on that horse. Not going over your mistakes over and over in your head. Just trying to hold your head level and not allowing the shame to poison you. It's hard. I'm horrible at that. When I fuck up, I want everyone to know that I know I fucked up. I don't like to fuck up. I know no one does. But I know that I'm one of those people who are horrible under pressure. So why do I want to own my own restaurant? Well I can control more things that way. If I want 2 days off, maybe I can close for 2 days a week. If I want a vacation, I can close for a week. If I want to be open from 11-9, I can do that. That's the way things operate in Nawlins. And very successful restaurants will be closed for one or two days and take a whole week for vacation during the summer, because it's a slower time.
So, anyway, I've been overworking, undereating, eating late at night when I get home, dehydrating from lack of water, not getting on the internets much, not checking the mail, not getting to watch the Soup, Degrassi, Animal Planet, National Geographic channel, etc, not getting to play music as much as before, and most sadly, not getting to spend much time with the Food Pimp. But ladies, don't get any ideas, he's still my FP.
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Brownies
21 hours ago