Pork Butt, Bom chicka wow wow

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

nola, baby! Part 3

So, we had a long first day in Nola. I slept in. The Food Pimp was pretty much obligated to get up for breakies with the M & P & S & B-I-L. So they went to the Rib Room downstairs. I guess there was a who debaucle about the breakfast buffet. The FP wanted to just order like coffee and something. But the FA (the FP's dad) kept saying, just get the buffet. So they all got the buffet.

So they were like in line for the buffet. And the FA wanted something that they did not offer at the buffet, or the line was too long, or he was tired and cranky, or he was sick of standing with his family, or something. So he decided to sit down and order from the menu. Really. No kidding. No jokes, no jokes, bro. Yeah. So everyone else got the pricey buffet. Then they sat and ate.

Then the FP noticed that at the table next to them was a certain mayor of a certain crescent city. So the FP did one of those, don't look now, but at the table next to us... deals. So of course everyone looked. So I wasn't there, and this is all my perspective. If any of the family reads this, they will hate me even more than they already do. Such is lie, I mean life.

Sorry, I had like 3 beers and I'm buzzing. Anyway, the FA said, I'm going to ask him about (insert political issue relevant to New Orleans). And the whole family had to say, "No, FA, sit down. Calm down. Let the man eat his breakfast. Don't bother him." So they ate. Then it was time for me to wake up. I was just thinking about getting coffee, then the FP comes back and asks what the plans are. I say I need coffee. He says, okay, let's get coffee. So he also adds, VD (Verbal Diarrhea) and SPR (Sarah Palin Reader) also want to go for a walk. Fine. So I need CC's. But the FP wants Cafe Du Monde. Fine. So we got there. The line is like a quarter mile long. I'm hungover, and I need coffee. So we debate where the CC's is. The FP thinks it's towards Esplanade. Although he thinks there's one on Royal. But I say, let's just go towards Esplanade. And there is no CC's. It must have been in the other direction. And there's chatter. But they have all had coffee. I haven't. I just woke up. So finally, we get to Cafe Envie. Finally! So finally we get coffee, hallelujah! And then I'm a little better. So, we walk around. Then we go back to the hotel. We decide what we're going to do. I still haven't eaten, but I guess that's my bad for sleeping in and all.

So we finally decide we are all going to ride uptown. Except for the FA. He is working on a "flyer" on the laptop. He's a businessman. He has no idea how to put multiple pictures on one page. So I show him. But this is going to be the first of several times. If only I could just ask him what he wanted and do it for him. But I guess he had to learn. So we all leave him to his computer programming. We pile into the rented SUV and drive back to the old neighborhood. Such mixed emotion, looking at places that have been there forever, and places that are new. Like the gay couple flag shop. They used to have a store around the corner from one of our old apartments, and they would always ogle the FP when he walked by them. So then they moved down the street. But no matter where the flag store is, they keep 2 lawn chairs outside that they just sit in and watch the world go by. I mean, c'mon, how much money does a flag store make? Not like american flags, but the porch flags with like holiday pictures and sthuff. I think it's just a front for their real business of trafficking little boys.

Anyway, it is a very nostalgic drive. And then we go to Mahoney's. About time. I felt like I was going to pass out. So it was kind of busy. We waited in line to order. Then we ordered. I think for 5 people the bill came to like $80 or something. I found one of the few vacant tables in the back. I didn't have a long sleeved shirt on, and the stupid floor vent was blowing right at me. This was unusual. I expected a po boy shop in an old renovated shotgun to have bad air conditioning, so I didn't bring in a long sleeved shirt, damnit. If I had remembered it would have been hot as balls in there. And balls can be very hot!

So we waited. And we waited. And we waited some more. The FP's former coworker owned the place, but we didn't see him. Also a friend who worked at Vega with the FP is the sous chef at Mahoney's (yes, they can have sous chefs at po boy shops! I was basically thought of as sous chef at a french coffee shop before!). The doors to the kitchen seemed unapproachable, as they were bringing orders out a lot. So the FP never went to see if his peeps were there.

So, about 45 minutes later, our food arrived. So what did we get? Samiches. So I'll go from worst to best.

This was SPR's turkey po boy. So it's dressed - lettuce, tomato and mayo. And then there is this paper thin sliced turkey. Thin sliced deli meats is good. Deli meats cooked in house, instead of premade "chubs" of meat is even better. But you kinda want more than like 2 really thin slices of turkey on your sandwich. I didn't taste it, so I didn't know how it was. He said it was okay, just didn't have enough meat.


I went for the cochon de lait po boy. I looooooooove pork, if you didn't know. My blog is called the Pork Porn Pages. So I was dead excited about having this. Until it came. Once again, it could have used a little more meat. It came with slaw on it, which was really good. But... the pork was dry. Boo! So disappointing! I'm sure it would have been delicious, what small portion of meat there was, if it had been moist. Moist. That's a word a lot of people don't like. Moist. Me, I don't mind it. But I dislike turd. It's just a yucky word for a yucky thing. You know?

Getting back to the po boy. I don't know. I know they were busy. If you overcook something like that that takes a long time to cook, you don't throw it away. But maybe they could have drown it in some... stock or something? I don't know. Disappointing.


The Peacemaker. This looked delicious. Fried oysters. Bacon. Cheddar cheese. Yeah.... I should have gotten that.


Shrimp, Fried green tomatoes and remeloude. This also looked delish. VD got this one. I didn't taste it, but she loved it.


Fried Chicken Livers and coleslaw. The FP had been talking about this fuckin po boy for a while. It was like featured in some big publication. I'm not going to name it, because I don't remember, and I don't want to get slagged off for false info. If you complain cause you don't agree with my opinion, fine. So anyway, I had a bite. The chicken livers were really crispy fried. To the point where I felt like I was eating a fried oyster until I got to the center, then it tasted like chicken liver. It was with that yummy slaw. I really liked it, except, I really don't like chicken livers. I want to like them, but I can't get past the minerally taste. So the FP really liked it, except he would have liked the chicken livers fried about a minute less. Me, I would have gone a minute more.


The piece de resistance. Gravy fries. Nice, crunchy golden fries. And the roast beef debris. It was beautiful. So rich and flavorful, and it was a big ole pile of food too! I should have gotten a french fry po boy! These have the french fries and the roast beef debris and like cheddar cheese. Next time. That's what I'm gettin.

So we ate. And we went back to the quarters. Just doing time until our next meal.

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