Pork Butt, Bom chicka wow wow

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Monday, December 21, 2009

nola, baby!

Why am I so lazy? I've had the apartment all to myself, and I'm only blogging now.

So, yeah. On Black Friday, we went to New Orleans. The Food Pimp family set it all up. A family vaca in the Crescent City. They all wished we never moved away from there. Even though they thought all of our abodes in New Orleans were so ghetto - they hated that we had some cracks in the walls and ceilings, rotting door jambs, rats running around in our roofs, dilapidated shed for a laundry room, permadirt, lead paint in the walls, creaky floorboards, outside door opening into the bedroom, quiet dangerous streets at night. One man's ghetto is another man's character. So now we live in San Diego where we can't even afford to rent a one bedroom apartment some months, let alone buy one.

So we flew out on the red eye. To Denver. We had a hot dog at 9:30 am. Why is that so weird? People are allowed to have pancakes at midnight. Breakfast all day? Hot Dog all day. My mom used to slice hot dogs in half lengthwise and fry them for breakfast, served with rice and itlog (egg). That's comfort food for me.


So, the FP had chili and cheese and mustard. I prefer a more scantily clad weiner lately. Not quiet au naturale, but just mustard, ketchup and relish. I gotta say, I didn't really expect much so early in the morn, but this was a good dawg. Unfortunately, the bread was stale. We were the first weiner biters of the day, so obviously we got the leftover buns from the day before. Oh well, the tube meat and the chili had a good taste.

So, we flew United. I don't remember the last time I flew United. That particular airline reminds me of.... United Airlines disasters That's 11 major incidents since 1972. The planes are actually really nice. One was small - 2 seats on either side, which is nice for antisocial people as ourselves. They had headphones in the seat pocket, which is kinda germy when you think about it. Of course, my headphones never work properly, but I hate calling the attendant. We watched the Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men and Dhani Tackles the Globe - on both flights! Didn't they rotate shows?

Anyhoo, we got into Nola around 2:00. The Food Pimp Senior picked us up. Actually, he is no Food Pimp at all. He is ... what's the opposite. A Food Abstainer, almost. So the FP was so excited to be back home, and he just wanted to get into New Orleans and stuff. And the FA burst that bubble. We had to go to the grocery store. Because they had already had 2 pricey meals without us - Thanksgiving dinner at the Rib Room and brunch at Maspero's - so he wanted to buy provisions. To me, going to the grocery store is an anthropological study. I don't really mind.

So we got beer - abit, of course. Restoration Ale and some other kind. Some mid level cheap wine, chips. Lots of chips - 6 - 8 bags! Only one or two Zapp's! The FA stocked up on Cape Cod!!! WTF! That's like eating McDonald's in Korea. Oh, I think he does that. And he got Albertson's brand dips and guacamole. Gross. I'm not being a food snob, but, I have tasted Albertson's dips and I don't like them. And we're in one of the best food cities in the good ole US of A, and we're getting chips and dip? It didn't really bother me because I knew I would only consume the beverages - water, beer, wine.

So finally, we got out of there and headed down I - 10. We were staying at the Omni in the French Quarter. Fancy, I know. But I was just along for the ride. Free ride. Yeah, free. But you have to understand. It wasn't totally free. Hanging out with your family can feel like a job, no? It's like you wake up and you clock in when you go to breakfast.

So we checked into the hotel, then we went up to the parents' suite. It was one room, but it was naaaaaaaaace. (nice) Big 4 poster bed, although the tv seemed too small and far away. Jacuzzi tub. Funny, the FP's mom asked us to pick up bubble bath, but I was pretty sure no one would use it. With the schedule that these people keep and the tub being in the room...

So the FP and I had not eaten since our breakfast hot dogs, and we were pretty hungry. But everyone else had eaten an hour or two ago. So we wanted to go eat something. But of course it took an hour or so to get it together. The FP's sis and bro in law decided to come with us. We decided on Acme Oyster house. It is a sad day when you used to live in New Orleans, but you have to look up what street Acme Oyster House is on. It was about 7 blocks away. On the corner there was a street band playing. Percussion. Drums and buckets and stuff. They were really good. It was so beautiful and good to hear good street music!

We got there, and they had the tension rope out. There were 2 or 3 tables waiting ahead of us. So we waited for about 15 minutes, while the FP's bro in law (we'll call him SPR - Sarah Palin Reader - that's the book he was reading over the weekend) told us the sordid tale of his night on Bourbon street with the FA. So I will tell you the sordid tale of the FA and SPR's night on Bourbon Street - censored of course, for the benefit of the FP's sis and me:


So, the foursome - the Food Pimp's Mom - FPM, the FA, SPR, and the Food Pimp's Sis - we'll call her Verbal Diarrhea - VD, had a big Thanksgiving dinner. So they seemed to go to bed early. FA ate like a big prime rib or something, so he couldn't sleep. So he called SPR, who was in his jammies dreaming of soccer moms and designer skirt suits, and asked him if he wanted to go for a drink. SPR said "sure" thinking it was a joke. Five minutes later, there was a knock at the door. It was the FA. So SPR got dressed and they walked out into the French Quarter night. Streets were pretty desserted. Except for a group of nice young african american men who were all wearing the same color scheme. So the FA took it upon himself to approach them and ask, "you all look like you know where the best strip bars are. Can you tell me which ones are best and give me directions?" So they said the Penthouse Club - which was across the street from the Acme Oyster House. That one was closed already. So they wandered Bourbon Street and ended up at the Hustler Club. The FA paid $30 a piece for "all Access" passes. They went it and it was empty. They had a drink and sat at the stage. The FA struck up a conversation with a woman seated near him. He asked why it was dead. She said, everyone's at home with their families - it's Thanksgiving. So he told her how his family was on vacation in New Orleans for the weekend, their wives were at the hotel in bed. She asked SPR why they weren't at the hotel in bed with them? Then it was her turn to dance. The FA decided it was time to go. So then they went to the hotel bar. The bar was closing, but when the FA said how he used to be in the... army(?) the bartender said he had served in the military too, and he bought them a round. So then they ended a pleasant night out at 1 or 2 am.

So then our table was ready! The FP and I got straight down to business. VD and SPR said they weren't really hungry. So the FP and I ordered 2 dozen oysters and gumbo. The SPR and VD got a dozen charbroiled oysters. We also got a pitcher of Restoration ale. In my excitement to be going out to eat in Nola, I forgot my camera. VD took pictures on her blackberry and emailed them to me, but I never got them!!!! Damnit! The oysters were so voluptuous! They were sweet, not briny and anorexic like the pacific ones we get. And the charbroiled ones were all garlicky and hot and pretty good. Not as good as the raw ones of course.

So then we walked back to the hotel and had drinks in the suite while we decided where we were going for dinner. When you hang out with the FP's family, we talk about dinner while we're eating lunch! So we didn't know how the "soul bowl" would play into things. This is the annual Thanksgiving weekend football game between two rivals - Grambling State Tigers and Southern University Jaguars. Really. It's like the basis for Drumline the movie. These two have amazing marching bands. Anyway. They decided to close off Canal Street on Friday and Saturday nights so the kids couldn't cruise and congest traffic. So the traffic would just be on the other side of Canal Street instead of on Canal Street. So we finally decided on K Paul's for dinner. It was about 4 blocks away. I was happy with that. I had never been there cause it's expensive!

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