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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Why the Food Pimp is Such a Super Awesome Pimp

Oh, I know, we all would love to hear more about the Food Pimp. You want some stats?

height:5'10

weight: undisclosed

hair color: brown

eye color: hazel

favorite football team: Steelers - I guess he forgives the rapist..

favorite football player: Not sure if it's still Brett Favre after this latest media fiasco that's developing

favorite band: Well, when we met it was the Cure

favorite drink: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

favorite food: (I'll give you a list of what I know in no particular order)
buffalo wings with blue cheese sauce, Sezchuan cold dish, Bamboo Shoot Salad from Sab E Lee, spaghetti and meatballs, Popeye's fried chicken, prime rib

likes: animals, nice people, watching live music, hair products, shoe shopping, sports and sports shows, The Cleveland Show, enjoying life

dislikes: animal abuse, mean people, dumb people, lip sync acts, bad hair, unfashionable style, serious sitcom episodes or movies, hate, bad tasting food


Anyway, this is why he's such a super awesome pimp...
One morning, when he was waking up way too early, and I was still in restful slumber, I said, I'll have pancakes. So, I dozed back off, as he clattered around the apartment as he does. So about 45 minutes later, he came into the bedroom with this:


Pancakes and breakfast sausage. I'm not going to mention how it ended up being gross sausage links, because it's the thought that counts, and I would be a dick to say, well the sausage was gross. Anyway, yes, for realsies, he made me breakfast in bed. Of course I went out and ate it at the table. And no ladies, you can't have him. You probably couldn't handle his wild mood swings, his habits like losing the toothpaste cap the first time he uses a new tube, and the horrendous smell that hangs in the bathroom from his number twos... I mean, not that mine are pretty, but you've seen some of the food we eat!

5 comments:

caninecologne said...

awww, what a nice tribute to the FP! nice to have a husband who can cook!

and hey, who was the rapist in the steelers?

the food ho said...

unfortunately, the superbowl-winning quarterback, Rothlisberger literally cannot keep his dick in his pants. It's raunchy, if you want details you can google him.

caninecologne said...

thanx fh - i've heard the name, but since i don't follow sports, i didn't know.

seems like a lot of these athletes are still rewarded even after doing shit like rape (kobe bryant, mike tyson to name a few)...they should have not just their balls cut off, but also their dicks dripping with blood and then be thrown to angry sharks.

the food ho said...

LMAO!!! What about putting leeches on their bloody dicks so they slowly lose blood and putting it on youtube - and however many views they get equal how much money they have to donate to abused women's shelters/rape crisis counseling - it would be hypocritical but for a good cause!

caninecologne said...

yeah, there you go! men can be such pigs.

i looked up the story and man, that poor lady. of course she didn't report it. who would believe her? her boss was friends with the QB too. and he had the nerve to tell her, 'you should consider yourself lucky to have had sex with him'! that's sick thinking.


all rapists, murderers, molesters, etc should be taken to a mass grave and shot.