pork chop

So, did I ever write about how my nickname was once Pork Chop? I think I did. But I'll retell the tale in order to inform those of you who are not avid Food Ho fans! I used to work at Whole Foods on Magazine Street in New Orleans. And these two guys who were brothers worked there. The one whose real name I don't recall, worked in prepared foods with me and my sis. Let's call him Dirty. He was a dirty looking guy. He was fun to work with, though. A bit later his wife started working there too. Not really pertinent to the story, I just think it's kind of mildly interesting. Anyhoo, he and his bro used to work at the Whole Foods on Esplanade. There was some lady in the prepared foods department who looked like me but I guess a little older. I really don't know why they called her Pork Chop. But anyway, when Dirty started working at Whole Foods on Magazine, he saw me and thought I was Pork Chop. I wasn't. So he and his Bro started calling me Pork Chop. I told the Food Pimp about this, and he thought it was hilarious on account of me having pork chop thighs and me loving pork and all. Great story. Should I enter it in the 2008 Short Stories Contest?

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I went to the store with the Food Pimp. He was shopping for work. I mentioned how I didn't know what to cook for dinner, so he grabbed some pork chops and some other stuff. This might not seem funny to you. It was funny queer more than ha ha because we never get pork chops. I do like them, but I never think to cook them. The last time I probably ate one was when I worked at the Mango House and we had jerk pork chops there. OMG those were good!

So I was being lazy, (as you readers may say I have been lazy!) and I decided to braise them. I kind of hate to admit this, but I first saw this technique when I worked at the Patrician, a retirement community. So here was the night's dinner:

Lazy Ho Pork Chop Dinner
vegetable oil
Tony Chachere's Seasoning
6 pork chops
1 onion, sliced
1 bulb garlic, minced
12 oz water
2 oz coconut vinegar
4 oz apple cider vinegar

4 bunches mustard greens, chopped and rinsed
1 oz hazelnut oil
6 cloves garlic, minced
1 inch ginger, minced
Tony Chachere's

2 cans blackeyed peas
4 cloves garlic, minced
salt and pepper

So get a wide bottomed heavy pan hot. (insert obvious ass joke here)(now grow up to adulthood again) Coat the pan in vegetable oil. Season the pork chops with salt and Tony's. Place as many chops in the pan as you can without crowding them. They are very clausterphobic, these little piggy chops. So then let them sear. Or you can be lazy like me and halfassed sear them if you want. I didn't really have much oil to work with and the chops weren't browning nicely. But anyway, sear them, then sear the other side. If you couldn't fit them all in. Take the first batch out and repeat the process with the rest of the chops. Then you saute the onion and garlic for a bit. Just like a couple minutes until the onions start to become translucent. Then you add the water, coconut vinegar and apple cider vinegar. Let it come to a boil, reduce the heat to a low simmer, cover and let it go. You'll know when it's done when the chops feel done. You want them tender, but right before they start falling apart. That's the best. Then you can take the chops out and reduce the sauce a bit.

For the greens I confess that I only used hazelnut oil because that is all the culinary fat I had in the apartment. Funny story. There was this white block of something on a plate, uncovered on the top shelf of the fridge for a few days. One of the FP's leftovers. The light in the fridge burned out maybe last year, and we never replaced it. So it's kind of dark in there. Anyway, I thought that block was butter. I was going to use it for the greens. So when I went to start the greens, I realized it was not butter. It was actually some cheese. Ha ha! Boy am I stupid. I would never pass one of those challenges on Hell's Kitchen or Top Chef.

BTW, I have a culinary boner...I think Andrew from Top Chef stole that line from me. I must have come up with that before him. Anyway, I wish I had....

So, oh, yeah, this is a recipe. Don't run out and buy hazelnut oil just to make this. Use whatever fat or oil you have around the house. But cheese doesn't really work. Anyway, put your oil in a big, big pan or pot. Saute the garlic and ginger for a bit. Then add the greens. Saute those for a bit. Let them all touch the bottom of the pan for a bit. Then add some Tony's, maybe 2 inches of water, cover and let them cook. Every once in a while, peek in and stir everything around. These are done when they are easy to cut with your teeth and they taste good.

Blackeyed peas. Damn, we hadn't had these in a while. The FP came home and did these. I think he just opened the cans, sauteed the garlic, threw in the beans, added salt and pepper, let it cook for a bit and that was it. They were really good! I know it was just beans, but they were really good! Really!

So here is what Lazy Ho Pork Chop Dinner looks like: